Those who love deeply are the lucky ones

I have been lucky in my life to have loved, and loved deeply.

I dropped my baby sister off at her university dorm today. And as I was helping her unpack her clothes, and watching her straighten her hair before going out on adventures with her new found friends, it hit me that my first year of school was a long time ago. My adventures with those friends surrounding the corner house are long since over and done with. We've all grown up and moved on to different phases of our lives completely independent of one another.

While that can be sad at times to realize, it is a miracle that I ever had them in my life to begin with, and that is lucky.

When I was a senior in high school I started writing a novel centering on Peter Pan. I was completely fixated on Never Neverland, and the idea that there was a place where one did not have to grow up - where things did not have to change. I watched the movie (2003) over and over and changed my computer password at school to reflect my new obsessive line of thought. I didn't want to leave that time and place (2008 in Hong Kong). Somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew that once I left, nothing would ever be the same.

I left, and I was right on the mark - it all changed.

And I could never go back.

Now I smile at what was just around the corner ("The entrance to our store is around the corner. There's no other way of saying that. It's not the name of our store. It's where it is. And you do not own the phrase 'around the corner.'") for me.

The people I loved in Hong Kong are people I will take with me for the rest of my life, maybe more. But, it didn't end there. I was so lucky, to have more people to love because I grew up - because I didn't escape to a world without change.

People come and go in our lives. Often it's hard to keep a hold on even one or two of them. If you are lucky, the ones you want to keep, want to keep you back, and a life-long friendship is forged that surpasses all distance, circumstance, and time restrictions.

Life is a bumpy journey, so don't forget to look around at who's on the ride with you; they just may end up making a Never Neverland in your heart where you can escape any time a certain song comes on the radio, or a distinct smell wafts your way. And those memories end up directing you to the second star on the right and keep you going on 'til morning.

I know I've said this before, but change is a beautiful and important part of life. Without it, life would not be as fragile, or as uniquely special from one moment to the next; it would become a film on Netflix instead of a one time showing of Les Miserables on a professional stage. One can be viewed anytime and the experience is cheap and replaceable - the other is once in a life time, invaluable and fleeting making it something you have to hold on to.


While I admit that Never Neverland will always carry some appeal, the reality of growing up allows so much more love than I ever imagined.

Goodnight, dear void.

Do you know you're awesome?

When I type, the sound of the keys clicking on my keyboard take me back to my fifth grade self when I was just leaning to find the home keys and to teach my fingers to reach for the letters beyond them to form words, sentences, and paragraphs. I remember thinking my fingers would never find their way on their own; I would always have to consciously locate the keys I searched for. And then one day, without me even really realizing it, my fingers didn't need any help from me to take individual letters on a keyboard and form them into a coherent form of communication.

My senior year of high school, my best friend told me that her mom typed up all of her dad's papers in college and that he still used two fingers to type on a keyboard. I remember being baffled at the idea of your fingers not knowing how to navigate these little boxed letters.

It's funny how easily we forget where we've come from, and just how far the coming has taken us. It's so easy to look at who we are right now and be disappointed with the girl in the mirror. And yet, 12 years ago I was still looking at the keyboard to type, and typing so slowly that it was not beneficial in the slightest to type something as opposed to just writing it down. If my typing has improved significantly over time, would it not be obvious to believe that other aspects of who I am have come that far as well - maybe even farther.

I am so content with who I am. I have so many things that I am working on every day, so many areas of my life that are so far from nearing perfection. I'm happy though. And happiness at some point trumps all the little things in life that need a little tweaking (or a lot...). I have come a long way from where I used to be.

My little sister pointed out the other day that anyone who knows me knows that I know that I am awesome. I thought about it, and she's right. I say that I am awesome almost every single day of my life. It is the reason for every good thing and every stupid thing that I do. I am awesome - fundamentally, at the core; I am awesome.

Knowing that I am awesome and thinking about how everyone else tends to know that I know that piece of information makes me wonder how many other people in the world truly know that they are awesome. Does it change them? I am awesome, and it changes me. When I'm feeling discouraged or disheartened, at some point I seriously stop myself and think, "but I am awesome." Are there other people in the world who do the same thing?

I would venture that even if there are a few of those people in this world aside from me, there could stand to be a few more. So when you're done reading this post, pause your life for a moment and think of at least ten legitimate reason why you are awesome - fundamentally, at the core - because I bet you are...

Goodnight, dear void.