My Playground

I watched A League of Their Own tonight, as in I caught the last part of it on AMC.
It made me miss my sisters. And then my Grandma.
We used to watch that movie as sisters every time we stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's on vacation.

In a frenzy to find Sister Perkins' Portugal address I ran across the card Grandma sent me for my birthday this year.

I got the card in the mail a good week or so before my birthday. I'd opened all my other cards and presents as soon as I'd received them - living alone renders almost all holidays (even birthdays)almost meaningless in terms of the specific day they are celebrated - but for some reason I'd felt that I really should wait and open the Grandparent's card on my actual birthday so it was fresh when they called to sing Happy Birthday to me. There were several times I almost opened it, but kept waiting instead.

I'd spent the night at Mari's place so as not to wake up alone on my 21st birthday - that just seemed sad and wrong for such a wonderous day in a girl's life.

I'd left my phone upstairs because I thought it was going to die, so I didn't get their calls.

Finally Kaylee called Mari's phone to see if she could reach me through her. She said 'happy birthday' and said that Mom and Dad had been trying to reach me all morning. They would likely be calling shortly now that they knew how to get ahold of me.

Mom called. She wished me happy birthday. Then told me that Grandpa had not been able to wake Grandma that morning and that she had likely passed away sometime during the night. She was crying. I hardly knew how to process it all.

Ryan called next, telling me that he had Cami already and he was coming to get me so we could all go somewhere to eat and be together.
Ryan paid for us.

We decided to have dinner together that night, for my birthday, and in honor of Grandma.

Driving home that day from Mari's all I could think about was that unopened birthday card - the last thing I would ever receive from my Grandmother in this life.

It was so hard to open it, let alone to read it.

Outside: Could a granddaughter be any sweeter, cuter, or nicer?

Inside: Not a chance!
Happy Birthday

And then in her own hand: Stay happy and wonderful! We love you and are so happy you are close. Keep that sparkle in your eyes and the smile on your lips!
Love, Grandma and Grandpa Bishop

I remember so many times that day just breaking down and sobbing. Often sliding to the floor wherever I was.

I am grateful to this day that I'd left that card unopened so I could have one last special memory with my Grandma on my birthday.

I still miss her everyday and can't help looking for her sometimes when I go to visit Grandpa.

I still kick myself for not calling to say thank you sooner.

And because my plan for my birthday, was to see her.

I love you, Grandma. You are everything I hope to one day be. Thank you for all the birthday cards, calls, and money. I'm sorry I probably never said it enough, but they meant the world to me. Thank you for all the creamies and orange soda, for all the games you played, and the hugs you gave. You were a one of a kind woman. Thank you for always taking the time to show me you loved me. One of my most treasured memories was when you and Grandpa insisted on taking me to dinner when I came up to see you nearly a year ago now. It was such a special time for just the three of us to be together, and it will stay in my heart forever. Most of all, thank you for raising my mother. She is so like you. You taught her how to laugh and how to love; she will carry your legacy with her for all time.
I can't wait to see you on the other side. Save me a seat.
Your granddaughter,
Abby

Goodnight, dear void.

This used to be my playground.
This used to be my childhood dream.
This used to be the place I ran to
whenever I was in need
of a friend

Once Upon a Library

I got a library card today.

I walked in with a proof of address and my ID, filled out an application, and picked out a card design,

- a green dinosaur running next to a volcano in the desert while grinning and reading a red book - and then it was done.

And somehow, the world seems a brighter place indeed.

As I walked in I had a rush of memories from the libraries of my past.

I remember being very little and reading in a cage(...?) in the library in St. Charles. I loved the picture books I would discover there.

I grew a little older and we moved to Cortland where the small Community Library was a safe haven of adventure and wonder. I would go there after school to hang out with my friends
and chat with them on AOL even though they were right next to me. Ya, we were cool.

Even bigger and cooler was the Dekalb Public Library where we would enroll in summer reading programs to get all sorts of cool prizes. It was so huge. I only ever used the bottom floor... I can't even imagine what else they have to offer there that is not filled with pictures or the Bailey School Kids' adventures!

I'm so excited to make new library memories. As far as I know, there is not cage in this new library, but I suppose it wouldn't really be socially acceptable for me and my 21 year old self to crawl into a reading cage anyway, so maybe it's going to be okay.

Goodnight, dear void.