Square

Today I sat for hours drawing shapes on a page
Mindlessly drawing, the hours flew by
Stars, squares, circles, lines, interconnected
Sometimes my life feels like that page.
Stars overlapping squares surrounded by circles
All of these shapes interconnected by time.
The longer I sit here, the more shapes appear
The ink from the pen creating them at will.
What will come next? A square or a star?
Only the pen knows.
Or is it I?

Sally

Sally was a poor girl. She didn't have much, but for what she did have she was truly grateful. She was a quiet girl. One who sat in the front of the classroom, did all the work, never spoke unless spoken to. She had friends that no one else knew existed. They were heros from her favorite books and from the stories she wrote in her room at night under the covers with a flashlight. She wrote stories of dragons and princes. In them the fair maidens were the ones who came out of the woodwork just when you expected something else to go wrong. She imagined that she belonged in this world, instead of the world in which she lived. She loved the way she could escape and suddenly be dressed in her favorite ivory ball gown when life got hard, or when life just wasn't working out the way she wished it would. She was a poor girl. She didn't have much, but for what she did have she was truly grateful.
One day Sally's life changed. It wasn't the day she met the charming boy in her physics lab. She wasn't swept off her feet. No, that wasn't it at all. She talked quite frequently with that lad but he wasn't what changed her life. One day Amber asked if she wanted to go over to her house to make s'mores in her backyard and have a pillow fight. Sally knew from all the stories she read and mostly from the story she'd written that a man was not what made all the difference in life. One day, Sally imagined a boy may indeed sweep her off her feet and they would live happily in the now and then in the after. But for now, it wasn't a man that Sally was looking for. She didn't need a man to save her from anything. Amber was her first friend, and for that Sally was truly grateful.

I just love when my brilliance shines through!

I'm a Gilmore Girls fan. I'll openly share that with anyone and everyone. Often when I watch I find that I miss out on most of the funny references they make because I just don't know as much as Lorelai and Rory do about pop culture and the world at large.
I was watching today while I was being super productive, don't worry, and realized that I catch a LOT more references now then I ever used to!
For instance, today, I was watching the episode in Season Five when Lorelai calls Luke when she's super upset after her parent's vow renewal ceremony and she references The Way We Were.... and not only did I totally know EXACTLY what she was talking about but as soon as she picked up the phone to call him, I thought, awe... that's just like in The Way We Were when Katie calls Hubbell because he's her best friend and she just needs her best friend to come over and be with her.... and then Lorelai dropped the reference and my life was complete. I died, and am in heaven, now.

"Its irresponsible to go without blogging for as long as you have..."

My dear roommate and friend, Sarah informed me that I've been irresponsible in my blogging habbits and that she was very disappointed and wanted to see improvement immediately. So, Sarah, this if for you.
I'm not gonna lie, I've thought about blogging many, many times this week. But everytime I just didn't feel like I had anything pertinant, funny, interesting, or even lovely to say.
This week has been filled with change and growth, neither of which have been very fun or welcomed. But nevertheless, they've come.
Why does life have to keep changing? Why, when it rains, does it pour? Why does life just have to be hard sometimes, for no reason at all? [Remember the Titans] Why do people have to tell you things you already know in order for you to really understand that they are true? Why do people always want other people to be happy all the time? Why is it so wrong to be sad sometimes? Why don't people cry more in hopes of finding a smile deep down underneath the tears?
I'm grateful its Sunday. Sunday is the hope of the week. Without Sunday my week wouldn't function in the same way. It allows me to refocus and see again, that life has a purpose and a meaning. My life means something. If to no one else, to God. He knows me and what I'm going through. He knows when I'm only smiling because I don't know what else to do. I couldn't be more grateful for that than I am today. When all words fail, He knows.
I'm grateful for change. Without it I would be happy all the time. And I would never have the opotunity to have my heart ache. Its a necessary part of life. One I'm not always such a fan of originally but one I've never regretted when I've looked back over the course of my life.
I'm grateful for grad school. Had you asked me if I was grateful for this, even thirty minutes ago, I would have (very strongly and clearly) said that I hated grad school. But I don't hate grad school. I'm grateful for grad school. The end. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Haha.
This is not exactly what I had planned on writing this morning but I suppose its just what needed to be said. Life does not always go the way I want it to, or the way I sometimes think it should. And sometimes its still makes me sad that life has to be the way that it is. But for now, I have the hope that the future will bring more than I ever could have expected, as a direct result of the way things are now.

Ready or not... here I come!

This is it. Number one blog post. I'm a little nervous and slightly intimidated and worried. Some of the people I admire the most are blogger extraordinaires and I would hate to be a disappointment to them. But, I'm a talker. Ask anyone in my life. I have to talk the talk before I decide if I want to walk the walk. I don't really like advice from people unless I ask for it. I need to talk to people, not for them to solve my problems, but so I can hear and see all my options in front of me... that way I can fix my own problems. That said I'm going to admit freely that the thing that attracts me most to this thing people call "blogging" is a line from one of my favorite movies...

Kathleen Kelly: "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't be the other way around? I don't really want an answer, I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void."