53 and Main

How is it that there is still so much to do when I've already done so much? Man, I swear, no matter how many hours I spend on this, it is never going to be enough; there will always be more to do. Bah! Man, I am exhausted. When was the last time I got a good night's sleep? I can't think straight these days. Is it just me or is there too much hazelnut in this hot chocolate. Just my luck, in the middle of the busiest month of my life I can't even get my hot chocolate right. Come on, can't just one thing in my life go right? Ugh.
"Mam?"
"Yes?"
"Would you like another cocoa? Not that it is any of my business, but you come in here every day, order hot cocoa and nothing else, would you like something to eat? You seem very distracted and extremely overworked, might I suggest taking just a moment for yourself and try our chicken cordon bleu? I think it might really give you the edge you seem to be looking for?"
Who is this guy? And why is he so concerned with my hot chocolate intake habits? So what if I come here every day and drink only hot chocolate? What's it to ya? They are my calories, I will spend them how I like. And besides, I tip you very well for each of those hot chocolates, thank you very much.... Sir. Can you hear yourself, get a grip.
"I appreciate very much your interest in the matter, I am actually on my way out today though, just the check would be fine, thank you....Ranaldo."
"As you wish, Madame."
I really do need to start sleeping again, I'm starting to get snippity with people.
"There you are. You're sure there isn't anything else I can do for you today?"
"Not today, Ranaldo. But as always, thank you. I will see you tomorrow."
"But of course. Enjoy your day."
"You as well."
Since when did Ranaldo start talking to customers? He used to be so quiet and reserved. I wonder what changed.
"Hello? Yes, this is she. No, I did not order chrysanthemums, I ordered lilies. No. Yes. White. Pink. Fine, just get it done. Thank you."
My tooth is acting up again; I really need to find time to get into that dentist. I didn't really like him last time though. I think he messed up my teeth alignment. Plus, he left me in that room alone for at least twenty minutes. I nearly feel asleep by the time he finally came back to finish up. Not nearly, I did fall asleep. Who does that to a patient? I don't want to have to find another one though. Who does that?? Breath. Let it go. It doesn't really matter.
"Mom? What is it? Is everything okay? No, I haven't heard from her. I told you, we had a falling out last month and we haven't spoken to each other since. Fine, I will give her a call at the end of the week and check up on her. Yes, I know. Just because I should be the bigger person doesn't mean I am going to be. I will call her. Stop hounding me. Thank you. It was good talking to you, too. Uh huh. Bye."
How do mothers seem to know everything going on in everyone'e live anyways? Shelly and I haven't spoken or communicated in any form for over a month and I certainly am not going to be the one to break the trend. It's not my fault we're in the mess. Whatever, it's not worth my time to think about anyway. Good thing I started Yoga again this fall, otherwise my stress level would be through the roof. As is, I could probably use a little more; maybe I'll pick up another session or two. I wouldn't mind seeing Hannah more often anyway.
"Any messages while I was out, Sandy? I talked to her on my way over. Yes, I know she thinks I should call Shelly, thank you. Oh really, get them on the line, I will take it in my office. Thank you!"
"Yes, thank you for taking my call. I apologize for not being out of the office earlier. Yes, I do have those numbers for you. Are you sure you wanted to stick with that color scheme? I was thinking we might want to look into more of a summer pallet, but I am open to other options as well. Yes, that sounds great. Thank you for you time. I am looking forward to it. Yes. Chao."
"Sandy, will you confirm my dinner reservations for this Saturday night? I need everything to be perfect. Robert and I haven't had a weekend to ourselves in quite some time and I really want to make the most of it. Oh and would mind seeing if the ballet is still running? Othello I think. Thank you."
Okay, almost all done here. Just a few more... done! Man, I might be worried if I wasn't so gosh darn good at what I do! I am fabulous! Now, time for one more finishing touch and I'm outta here! That's a wrap - going home time.
"Sandy, will you call me a cab please? Then you're free to leave. Thank you."
Someday I am going to figure out the bus system, I swear. Or not. I really do love taxis. Meh.
I wonder if Robert will be happy with our weekend holiday in the city. He's seemed so uptight these days, I just want to help him relax a little. And I think we could both use some time to let our hair down.
"53 and main please."

My Hat

What does it mean to be extraordinary?

We all have people in our lives who we think are extraordinary.
And we would give anything to be like them.

Ask them and they would say they were average at best, maybe even below that.
Is that what makes them so much more than average?
Their complete and utter inability to see how extremely unaverage they really are?

Or is it the way they just keep caring, even when you don't deserve it?
Or how they always seem to show just how much they care about you when you least expect it and need it the most?

They dazzle the world by their mere existence within it.
And if you have the privilege of knowing them, you are better for it.
Because they teach you how to smile even when things are falling apart.

And they ask you what's inside the tweety lunchbox not because they care, but because they know that for some bizarre reason, it's important to you.

They listen to your problems and offer a shoulder when the tears start to fall, even when they know that there is no way for them to fix it.

But above all else, these extraordinary people in our lives, they love us - despite weakness, regardless of flaws. They see us not for who we are, but rather for who we can be.

And they inspire us to be... extraordinary.

I am grateful for the extraordinary people in my life, who make me want to be the beauty I see in them.

You have shaped my life and are molding my future.

I tip my hat to you.

Thank you.

Goodnight, dear void.

If you scream at the Universe, will it respond?

He wrapped his arms around Kelly, looking out over the lake that stretched for miles in front of them.

"You scared me. How long have you been standing there? What are you doing here anyway? I thought you hated coming out here."

"I thought it was time."

The sun was rising in beautiful oranges and pinks. They stood and watched the sun fill the lake with beauty and wonder. It must have been an hour at least before he broke the silence, "You okay? How do you feel about pancakes for breakfast? And maybe a fruit smoothie? I know you're trying to keep things healthy. Kell?" He turned her around in his arms so he could see her tear streaked face. Wrapping his arms ever tighter around her, he whispered, "It's going to be okay. I promise. We will find a way to make this better. We will make it through this. We will." As he held her, he felt her body relax into his; he could feel her tears seep through his button-up shirt, and he let a tear streak down his face as well.

How? How were they ever going to put this behind them. You were supposed to bear children, not bury them. How were things ever supposed to go back to normal? What was normal anymore? Jackie and Noah had been staying with their grandparents this past month but they were scheduled to come home next week. And then what? He would have to go back to the office, but how could he? Kelly would have too much time on her hands with both the kids in school and no Spencer to keep her busy and running non-stop.

Spencer. He felt the lump rise in his throat; how was it possible to still have any tears left?

The funeral had been three weeks ago - where had all that time gone? He and Kelly had spent most of those days and nights in silence, each dealing with the grief as best as they could. Why had this happened to them? He knew he shouldn't ask such a question because the universe was willingly questioned but seldom as willing to deign anyone with a response. Yet, he could not help wondering it nonetheless and at times he couldn't stop himself from screaming it at the top of his lungs, "HEY YOU, UP THERE, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE DONE? I'M SORRY! I AM SO SORRY!!!"

He never got the Universe to respond directly, but slowly he began to see that maybe this was just the way the universe was run, maybe it really had very little to do with his past and so much more to do with his future.

An Exhausting Exhileration

What was it about those mountains that made her want to set out for the horizon and just keep going until she found whatever it was that she was looking for? In a way the mountains represented all the potential she could feel within herself. She knew she was better than this. She could feel it in every fiber of her being; this girl, that was not who she really was. This girl was who she settled for being from day to day because she didn't know just how to tap into her internal potential and change for real. She'd tried to change before, of course, but it had never stuck, not really. And she could feel the real her under her skin, underneath all of that other stuff that always held her back. The real her was beyond those mountains somewhere where only the sunrise would know her name. She woke up every morning feeling like a stranger in that skin. Until the morning she decided it was time to stop looking at the mountains, it was time to become one. And she changed. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen over night, but every day she worked endlessly to become the girl she knew she really was; the one who didn't have to hide behind that same old frame and shape, but the one who was free to do anything and to be anything she wanted to do and be. It made every day an exhausting exhilaration; becoming is harder than it looks.