If you scream at the Universe, will it respond?

He wrapped his arms around Kelly, looking out over the lake that stretched for miles in front of them.

"You scared me. How long have you been standing there? What are you doing here anyway? I thought you hated coming out here."

"I thought it was time."

The sun was rising in beautiful oranges and pinks. They stood and watched the sun fill the lake with beauty and wonder. It must have been an hour at least before he broke the silence, "You okay? How do you feel about pancakes for breakfast? And maybe a fruit smoothie? I know you're trying to keep things healthy. Kell?" He turned her around in his arms so he could see her tear streaked face. Wrapping his arms ever tighter around her, he whispered, "It's going to be okay. I promise. We will find a way to make this better. We will make it through this. We will." As he held her, he felt her body relax into his; he could feel her tears seep through his button-up shirt, and he let a tear streak down his face as well.

How? How were they ever going to put this behind them. You were supposed to bear children, not bury them. How were things ever supposed to go back to normal? What was normal anymore? Jackie and Noah had been staying with their grandparents this past month but they were scheduled to come home next week. And then what? He would have to go back to the office, but how could he? Kelly would have too much time on her hands with both the kids in school and no Spencer to keep her busy and running non-stop.

Spencer. He felt the lump rise in his throat; how was it possible to still have any tears left?

The funeral had been three weeks ago - where had all that time gone? He and Kelly had spent most of those days and nights in silence, each dealing with the grief as best as they could. Why had this happened to them? He knew he shouldn't ask such a question because the universe was willingly questioned but seldom as willing to deign anyone with a response. Yet, he could not help wondering it nonetheless and at times he couldn't stop himself from screaming it at the top of his lungs, "HEY YOU, UP THERE, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE DONE? I'M SORRY! I AM SO SORRY!!!"

He never got the Universe to respond directly, but slowly he began to see that maybe this was just the way the universe was run, maybe it really had very little to do with his past and so much more to do with his future.